Expectations & Reality…

Caleb is almost 4 weeks old come this Wednesday! I still feel like I’m living in a blur. Man, doing all-nighters in high school and college didn’t do this to me. Youth event overnighters didn’t do this to me. Taking care of a newborn does. I thought that by now I’d be up and going, back to my normal multi-tasking busy self. But, most of my pre-birth expectations have left me ultimately humbled.

Broken Expectation #1
Breastfeeding comes naturally to newborns. Yeah, it’ll take some practice, but since it’s so good for the baby, it must not be that hard to get down.

Reality: Breastfeeding does not come naturally for me or little Caleb. He’s got an inefficient, disorganized suck. And, I’ve got wimpy, tender breasts. All I want to do is provide nourishment for my little one. How could something that seems so simple be so hard?

Broken Expectation #2
Women who have a natural normal vaginal delivery are able to get up and walk around within hours after delivery.

Reality: I kept fainting after birth from low blood pressure (from blood loss during the delivery). And it still hurts (4 weeks later) to walk around. I got a rare perineal infection, and have been told by my OBGYN that it could still be weeks before I can exercise or walk around. How do you take care of a baby when you’re told you’re supposed to lay in bed all the time?

Broken Expectation #3
New mothers have an uncanny mothering instinct that tells them what their baby needs and when he needs it. For example, they wake up seconds after their baby cries at night.

Reality: I love my sleep. From 1AM-4AM, this chickadee has no inborn mothering insticts. “Chris, you’re syringe feeding the baby? I didn’t even hear him cry.” Chris’ response: “He was crying so loud, but you didn’t move. I had to check to make sure you were alive.” Good thing my hubby is a night person…. otherwise, our baby might starve at night.

Anyways, I’d love your PRAYERS.

1. Continued healing of my body and perineum.
2. Success with breastfeeding.
3. Patience for myself as I learn to be a mom. Satan has been putting heaps of unhealthy thinking into me (of inadequacy, incompetency, and failure).
4. Restoration of my relationship with my mother. She left abruptly Thursday night when she decided she was too frustrated with me and our unpredictable schedule.


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