Yvonne Gives Birth To A Baby (Or Yvonne Might Hate Me After This)

I’m not really into those “I’m going poop” Twitter or Facebook status updates.  Those types of messages usually fall into the disgusting, boring, and TMI category.  But this requires a special post because of the monstrosity I witnessed today.  I love you, Yvonne.  The wonderful things you get to see while married and pregnant.

So I come upstairs to see Yvonne on the toilet going poo poo.  I’ve been downstairs for approximately five minutes, and she’s been on the toilet the whole time.  Naturally she’s a quick pooper and is done within a minute or two, unlike me and my male peers who can go for hours.  So it was unusual to see her still there.  Summarizing her own words, she said she had to go but it won’t come out.  I leave the bathroom and begin to move our cat downstairs when she calls to me, “come see the baby I just made.”  I’m thinking, “that’s disgusting”, and I have to move the cat downstairs.  But she insists I look at this baby.

And boy oh boy, was that a big baby.

I have never seen anything like it before.  It was beautiful and disgusting all at once.  This was the poop of a lifetime.  It was hard to measure since I didn’t want to stick my face in the toilet with this monstrous poop. But from my visual estimates standing up, I would have to guess that this baby was at least 4 inches in diameter and maybe 6 to 7 inches long.  That’s like a small football (American).  Yvonne probably lost like 4 pounds after that poop session.  This was amazing.

Pregnancy can do fascinating (or scary depending on how you look at it) things to the female body.  This is just one of the side effects, at least for Yvonne.  You eat extra food, and that waste has to go somewhere.  From a combination of being pregnant and a lack of drinking water, we were able to witness this once-in-a-lifetime poop.

I apologize for lack of pictures.  A moment like this should have been captured on camera.

Update: I forgot to mention that this poop, not surprisingly, clogged the toilet.

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