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Expectations & Reality…

Caleb is almost 4 weeks old come this Wednesday! I still feel like I’m living in a blur. Man, doing all-nighters in high school and college didn’t do this to me. Youth event overnighters didn’t do this to me. Taking care of a newborn does. I thought that by now I’d be up and going, back to my normal multi-tasking busy self. But, most of my pre-birth expectations have left me ultimately humbled.

Broken Expectation #1
Breastfeeding comes naturally to newborns. Yeah, it’ll take some practice, but since it’s so good for the baby, it must not be that hard to get down.

Reality: Breastfeeding does not come naturally for me or little Caleb. He’s got an inefficient, disorganized suck. And, I’ve got wimpy, tender breasts. All I want to do is provide nourishment for my little one. How could something that seems so simple be so hard?

Broken Expectation #2
Women who have a natural normal vaginal delivery are able to get up and walk around within hours after delivery.

Reality: I kept fainting after birth from low blood pressure (from blood loss during the delivery). And it still hurts (4 weeks later) to walk around. I got a rare perineal infection, and have been told by my OBGYN that it could still be weeks before I can exercise or walk around. How do you take care of a baby when you’re told you’re supposed to lay in bed all the time?

Broken Expectation #3
New mothers have an uncanny mothering instinct that tells them what their baby needs and when he needs it. For example, they wake up seconds after their baby cries at night.

Reality: I love my sleep. From 1AM-4AM, this chickadee has no inborn mothering insticts. “Chris, you’re syringe feeding the baby? I didn’t even hear him cry.” Chris’ response: “He was crying so loud, but you didn’t move. I had to check to make sure you were alive.” Good thing my hubby is a night person…. otherwise, our baby might starve at night.

Anyways, I’d love your PRAYERS.

1. Continued healing of my body and perineum.
2. Success with breastfeeding.
3. Patience for myself as I learn to be a mom. Satan has been putting heaps of unhealthy thinking into me (of inadequacy, incompetency, and failure).
4. Restoration of my relationship with my mother. She left abruptly Thursday night when she decided she was too frustrated with me and our unpredictable schedule.

Thanks!

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Kiddie Kandid Pictures

Now this kid thinks he’s adorable, huh? I think not. Don’t be deceived.

Caleb w/ Tigger

We got pictures done a couple days ago. There are more pictures at picasaweb if you’re interested. Again, he’s not cute at all so there’s no bother. But there is a handsome picture of me if you’re interested.

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Owh!

I need new breasts. Mine hurt. Babies can only get away with this cruelty cuz they look so cute.

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Breastfeeding and A Dream

Context: Yvonne and I have been trying to get our baby to only breastfeed. For the past week and a half, Yvonne’s been pumping her breast and then Caleb is being bottle-fed. And every once in a while we’d try to get him on the breast again. Before he’s been unable to efficiently get milk from the breast. And Yvonne’s boob would be all tender and raw and cracked. So that’s why we had to resort to pumping and bottle-feeding. But it came to a point where now Caleb is now knowing that the bottle is easier and not even trying on the breast. So yesterday afternoon, we went breast only. And boy has it been hard. It’s been so hard on Yvonne, but I’m so proud of her. She’s really toughing it out, but our boy is finally get full feedings on the breast, and he hasn’t been bottle fed for 18 hours now. And boy is still getting enough milk. But it’s still hard. And it takes an extremely long time. Patience is wearing thin and frustrations are building. So please pray for Yvonne and Caleb. They need it.

So last night I was having all these dreams about him breastfeeding. Sometimes he’d do well in my dream. Sometimes not. But here’s the last one I had.

Dream: This is the end of the dream. I was riding in Yvonne’s car with the baby. Kurtis from work was with me for some strange reason, but we were pulling into Truth Seminary. Wayne’s car was parked there among other cars, so of course I back up into the parking sport next to his at a fast rate with the brake not working. Great parking job anyways.

So I go into the Truth Seminary room with Caleb. Apparently Eric is recording baby sucking sounds for unknown reasons. Kevin Chan is sitting there doing homework or something. And John is about to leave cause he just finished his baby sounds for Eric. Flora is now going to record some sounds. So she puts this thing in her mouth and starts sucking this thing like a pacifier. Now I’m thinking this is really strange. I put Caleb down next to Flora’s face where the recording equipment is. And then Caleb rips this huge fart. I say, “now that’s authentic.”

I am then soon awaken to the baby’s cries for food. Sorry, Yvonne. Caleb is a “Hungry Saurous” as his bib says.

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Labor & Delivery (The Mom’s Perspective)

So, this a little late of a post, but I’ve been a bit busy… 🙂

As Chris mentioned, we thought we’d have an early baby since I was showing so many prelabor signs. But, Caleb didn’t come early. And as each day passed by, I stopped thinking so much about whether this would be the day… and I starting keeping myself busy. For example, 2 days before labor, I spent the day at Disneyland with Rosalyn. We met at 7:30AM and waited in the Finding Nemo Submarine Ride line for 3 hours. Crazy, eh?

On Wednesday, 6/27, I saw my OBGYN in the morning. Anytime, he tells me. Same thing he’s told me for the past 3 weeks. I ran errands all morning. Felt really tired in the afternoon. Tried to take a nap… and out of no where, my water breaks at 5PM. Poopers, on my comforter. First thought: Gotta wash my comforter. So, I start a load in the washer. Then I realize, oh I should call Chris and Nancy (our doula).

Call them. Nancy tells me she’s going to check back with me in the morning to see how labor’s progressing. I say ok… and figure most women take forever in the early labor stage. I tell Chris to take his time coming home… didn’t want him to get stuck in bad traffic. I go downstairs to see if I can watch some MacGyver episodes and finish my photo scanning project. And, I eat heaps of food, leftover desserts, and drinks (since they don’t let you eat in the hospital during labor).

Around 6:30PM, I start feeling pretty strong cramps in my lower abdomen. Strong enough to take my concentration off of Macgyver. But, Nancy told me that most women feel labor pains radiate to their back when they’re actively laboring. My pain was just in my lower abdomen. So, I must not be laboring yet. ok, I’ll go up and take a shower to relax. In the shower… ouch… these hurt more. I’m resting on all fours in my tub (just felt more comfortable for some reason). Man, I’m a wimp. I already feel like I have pain, and I’m probably not in labor yet, right?

Nancy calls back around 7. Says she just felt like she needed to call back and check in on me. Told her what I’ve been feeling. She says I still sound calm/cheerful, so she’s going to take a nap and check back with me in a little while. Man, these pains are coming every 4 minutes already. I’m sweating. Let me lie on this cool bathroom tile floor. Ah, better. Chris is home. Finds me on the bathroom floor. I go downstairs with him. These pains aren’t letting up. Still only in my lower abdomen. Sometimes they’re coming one on top of another. Chris calls Nancy. She comes over. I labor for an hour at home. But the pains are coming kinda quickly and I feel burpy and a little shaky already. Chris is eating leftover DinTaiFong dumplings. His food smells strong… making me nauseous. But I want him to eat, so I don’t say anything about the smell. I can’t be this far along in labor. I think to myself i must be emotionally causing myself to feel this way already. I don’t wanna go to the hospital and be one of those women who’s only 1-2 cm dilated and gets sent back home. Nancy tells us we should go to the hospital.

Car ride was no fun. In the 15 minute drive, I had 7-8 contractions. Had to stop for contractions on the walk into the hospital. They made me go to labor evaluation by myself. The nurse was task-oriented. put on this gown, give me a urine sample. What’s taking so long, she asks. I’m on the floor having contractions. Yuck! I would never be touching a hospital floor if I was of sane mind. At this point, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I want my husband. Where is he? On goes the fetal monitor. Why are you putting oxygen on me? You’ve got variables (stress on the baby during contractions usually due to cord compression). The heart rate looks fine, though? Yes. Vaginal exam – owh. Nurse tells me she thinks I’m 5-6cm. They roll me into my labor & delivery room. Where’s Chris? All these questions. Tired of talking. One nurse starts an IV. What are you hanging? LR. OK, I’ll take Lactated Ringers.

Finally, they let Chris & Nancy back with me. I’m feeling out of control already. I want to sit up to labor. The nurses tell me I have to lay on my left side with oxygen since the baby’s stressed. Too tired and in pain to fight. I’m clinging to Chris, who’s whispering how much he loves me. You better! (Hee-hee… I don’t remember actually thinking this at the time). Nurse says I’m only 5-6cm. Nancy tells them they should check me again. 8cm. In a few minutes, I begin to feel rectal pressure like I have to push. No, you can’t push yet. Where’s the doctor? They’re like 6-7 nurses in the room now. I have to push, or I’m gonna explode. Pant they tell me. uh, ok. i’ll try. i want pain meds, i want pain meds. (chris says i never said this out loud, but i was certainly thinking it.) ok, you can push. phew. 6-7 contractions with 6-7 nurses yelling out numbers at me as i push, caleb was born. and finally in came the doctor… just in time to clamp the umbilical cord. 10:45PM – less than 6 hours from when my water broke.

caleb was so alert. his cry was strong. and he pinked up in less than a minute. he took to the breast without a problem. so cute. this baby came out of me? yay, praise God caleb’s here!

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A Baby is born! (A father’s perspective)

So you all heard that Yvonne’s water broke. Well not much longer did she give birth to a beautiful baby boy.

June 27, 2007, 22:45
Caleb Joshua Wong is born
6 pounds 13 ounces
18 inches long

So I must start from the beginning. That was 3 and a half weeks ago when Yvonne started bleeding. Apparently she had lost her mucous plug. Of course we not knowing much about pregnancy and labor start looking this stuff up on the net. We find out that labor is imminent! That’s a sign that labor should be starting soon! It could start the next day. Or it could start a week from then. At least that’s what I read.

So the next day comes and goes. And then the next day. And then the one after that. And then a week goes by. Yvonne still is bleeding periodically. But the OB says that’s normal and labor can start at ANY TIME. So again, 2 weeks go by. 3 weeks….

Where’s the baby?

3 and a half weeks later after we were expecting an early baby, Caleb finally decides he’s had enough of it and breaks out only 2 days before the due date.

Thanks for making us worry, Caleb.

So at 5pm yesterday, Yvonne calls me at work telling me her water broke.

(Now for those of you who are ignorant of this fact, like I was before this child, the water breaking is NOT typical for labor beginning. In fact, only about 10 percent of labors does the water break before the labor actually starts. Most water breakage occurs during the middle or end of labor when the baby is about to give birth. So when you see all these movies about the mom’s water breaking and them giving birth 5 minutes later, that just don’t happen. It’s all a lie. Mostly at least. Anyways…. I digress).

We knew what to do if the water broke and we were early. But the baby is full term and the water breaks, we didn’t know what to do. So again, the internet is my friend. I read that labor usually begins within the next 24 hours. Sometimes immediately. Sometimes 24 hours later. But sometime within that period. So I figure that labor for the first child usually lasts 12 hours. And she just broke her water, but she’s not necessarily in labor yet. So I decide I didn’t need to rush home just yet. And neither did Yvonne. “Take your time,” she tells me.

So I go do some 3v3 and 2v2 action WoW before going home (I suck by the way). And then proceed to go home at my normal time. I figure if Yvonne was in lots of pain, she’d call me by now. It’ll only be early labor now anyways.

By the time I get home at 7:35, she’s lying on the ground of bathroom writhing in pain, like the kind of pain she used to get with your tummy. So it’s serious time now. But that’s weird. It’s only been 2 and a half hours. Early labor usually lasts longer than that. For the next hour and a half, she’s fighting it hard. Definitely active labor. This labor is going fast. I call up our doula and soon after she arrives, we decide to go to the hospital.

We get to Queen of the Valley at 9:20pm. Now here’s the part the kind of got me mad. After getting admitted, they wouldn’t let me be with her for another 30 minutes. And she was in so much pain the she couldn’t stand or sit. It was brutal. Transition has started, and I couldn’t be there when it did.

I finally got into the room with her at 9:50pm, and she was working hard. Moaning and groaning. Honestly it sounded as if she was dying. If she had gotten shot the abs, that’s the kind of sound I would think she’d make.

Transition to pushing didn’t seem like a change at all. It was painful throughout. And the doctor wasn’t even there yet. He was on his way. But Yvonne was moving too quick for him! After 15-20 minutes of pushing, the baby was out and crying and in Yvonne’s arms.

Now for those of you who have never witness an actual labor, that is quite an experience. I know you high schoolers have seen the video giving birth. Or even if you watched Knocked Up, you saw a glimpse of the baby crowning. Yeah. I saw all that. And those videos/movies are nothing compared to real life. In those videos and movies you saw, you could see the pain. But those were easy. Yvonne’s… Not so easy. But she did great. Spectacular. In all honesty, I should have been complete grossed out. Yet, I wasn’t. God must have had something to do with that.

Seriously though. It’s gross. It’s nothing like what I seen before. I think the grossest thing was when after giving birth to the boy, the placenta has to come out later. It’s just this big ol’ bloody glob that shoots out. It’s quite disgusting. Yet I wasn’t disgusted by it. Strange, huh?

Anyways. I must go shower and brush my teeth. This has been one long post! Hopefully you’ve made it this far! 🙂

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Water Broke

My water broke… here we go! I wonder how many more episodes of MacGyver I can watch and how many more photos I can scan into Chris’ laptop before we have to go to the hospital. Can’t wait to meet you baby Caleb… 🙂

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caleb – “baking” a bit longer

so Caleb has decided to stay put a little longer. i know he’s taking up more room now cuz i can only fit a 1/4 of a normal size meal into my stomach now… and my stomach seems to be sharing space with my heart and lungs in my chest now.